Pick a Lane

 

Yesterday I conducted an exercise that lead to a very simple epiphany.  I listed the top five decisions I have ever made in my life and noticed that all five were laid out in chronological order—the oldest being the most important.

As I sat and thought, the inherent logic became apparent to me.  A path is a linear set of choices along a network of roads.  The obstacle that you are confronted with now would not have necessarily been there if it wasn’t for the choice you made earlier.  Therefore, the earlier the decision the larger the bearing on the situation at hand.  Time rules in importance.

I’m very happy to find that my psyche is relatively in line with reality.  I say relatively because I chose five “big decisions”, yet I am certain that the biggest decision I may have made in my life may have been something as seemingly insignificant as what I had for breakfast one morning.

It saddens me to think that I may never again make decisions as important as the ones I had when I was younger.  And it confuses me that life is set up in such a way that the most important decisions are consistently made by those the least educated on the situation at hand.

Eminence Front

 

I am simply appalled by individuals who hold a quick and easy solution over qualified reasoning.  These individuals are electively deliberate in their ignorance, and willingly continuing their errors in the most factitious of manners.

In life, if you are confronted by a problem, you solve it. Everyone does this (yes, even avoidance is a solution).  However, when a problem has the tendency to repeat itself, people differ in their response.  Half of the population will see the recurrence and will attempt to prevent future iterations while the other half will simply decide to keep repeating the same "solution” because they know it works.  Have you ever taken the time to consider why the same thing keeps happening to you over and over again?  Have you ever attempted to prevent it from repeating itself?

People today are obsessed with instant gratification.  They are also too lackadaisical with the methods they use to handle conflict.  People are either willing to blindly support what they believe, or fold to whatever the current opinion is.  Nobody is willing to have an actual conversation about an issue, make a stand in their beliefs, and be open enough to allow their opinion to be swayed.  When was the last time you saw a legislator, diplomat, or government official admit that his stance has changed due to something other than public opinion?  When was the last time that you have seen a debate, where two individuals present factual evidence to support their stance, and one’s opinion is changed in the long run?  It simply doesn't happen.  People find it difficult to think, so they chose not to.

Why sit down to a good book?  Why learn how to cook, sew, carpentry, a musical instrument, or photography when there's a TV?  We need to be spoon-fed ideas and entertainment as we refuse to develop solutions on our own.

Simply stated, people have no interest in thought.  Make a conscious effort in your decision making process.  Ask yourself why and how.  Don't just play the game— be an active member.  A problem is never solved until it has gone away.  A solution that causes the problem to repeat itself isn’t a solution, it’s a deferment.

Reasoning should always be the ultimate goal.  The questions of how and why  are far more important than what.

Pressure (P = F / A)

 

Physics describes pressure as a force applied over an area, while social interaction describes pressure as forcing someone to some particular end.  Both relate to the idea of force.

I recently realized how I had a very strong and healthy friendship that was exposed to a large amount of social pressure.  However, now that I am across the country from this friend, our relationship has become unbalanced and that pressure needs to be reduced.  However, what my companion and I enjoy the most about our relationship is completely at odds with one another.  He likes black, I like white, and it’s impossible to have both at the same time.

For the last few months I have been attempting to come up with a functional compromise.  Yet as month after month progressed, I became much more upset than I would have normally allowed.  I even began to need a release for my emotional composure.   I was at odds with myself, and had no means to solve the contradiction.

It took the immediate threat of a visit to allow me to rise above the nonsense.  See, when I realized that our four month planned rendezvous was imminent, I had to set aside all my anger and contempt so that we could actually enjoy our company.  And suddenly we were able to talk!  We were able to discuss the problem like rational adults and come up with a holistic solution.

I think what we often forget in relationships is that the individual we are with is a person as well.  A person that was bounded to you by the same emotional context and environmental constraints as you to him.    We as individuals become so wrapped up in our needs that we forget about our partner’s needs and wishes.  We end up losing  our vantage, and let our fear and needs dictate our actions.

When you want to talk to someone, forget about all of “the wrong” at first.  As angry as you are at this person, that individual is still (hopefully) your friend.  So have a conversation with them— jumping into an argument will just put both of you on edge.  Always remember what is important in the friendship and not that petty thing that you’ve been arguing about.

Life will go a lot more smoothly that way.

Editorial VII: Disambiguation

 

Recently I had a couple of discussions about the verbiage I use in my postings.  The word relationship is ambiguous, as it should be.  When I speak of a person that I am “in a relationship with” or “have a relationship with”, I mean it in the broadest sense of the term.  I don’t mean it as an intimate relationship, if so, I would use that adjective to specify that case: intimate.

I wanted to make sure that I took the opportunity to communicate this before any future articles.  And honestly, it’s something I probably should have initially made explicit.

For those of you who already knew this, I’m sorry for the delay before my next article.  For everyone else, I hope this clarifies any ambiguous statements!

I have three great articles in the pipeline, I hope to have them posted soon!

Transparency Part 2: Reverse it

 

Do you ever know when you’re being cheated, lied to, or ignored but you end up choosing to ignore the transgression in hopes that it's a small bump down a long steady path?  Ever feel like someone’s taunting you, straight to your face, but you can’t confirm it, so you simply ignore the comment and just keep the conversation rolling?  Don't, you'd be surprised how accurate your instincts are.

Your mind, heart, and animalistic self are three separate entities within.  Froyd had it right with the id, ego, and super ego.  Your ego, or your heart, most likely drives you.  But, when necessary the other two will take control.  You should always embrace them, and never ignore logic and instinct especially when they're working together

My last article, Transparency & Honesty, was written by my ego.  And while it accurately portrayed a truthful message, the reaction that inspired me was all wrong.

In retrospect, I was not in fault.

I was being transparent, open and honest.  However my friend was lying and belittling me in hopes that I’d eventually take the hint and walk away.  He most likely thought it was the smartest and easiest way to get rid of me while avoiding a confrontation.  Little did he know was that all he had to do was ask.  His subjective experience to our conversations wasn’t overtly visible.  And he was overestimating how well he was telegraphing his thoughts and emotions.  He was attempting to play a game with me—and was doing a poor job at it.  I was getting confused from the mix signals and he was getting more and more frustrated.

In the end, he snapped.  He decided to make the confrontation in an extremely emotional way.  Little did he know that at this point my confusion had put an extreme dampener on my crush.  I was thinking of him as more of a loose friend—of someone I was interested in getting to know but had no investment in.

He made a fool of himself publicly.  And decided to throw our excuse of a relationship into the eye of the masses around us.  For some reason, he didn’t expect me to laugh and walk away.

Editorial VI: So What Happened?

Did I disappear?  Did I quit?  No.

I just didn’t have anything to write about.

In order to write I need something that challenges my perceptions.  And, with having moved across the country, leaving school, and starting my first real job—and all the challenges that came along with it.  I simply had no time, or energy to challenge myself for articles.

Things have kind of calmed down, and I’ve started to look out for myself a bit more.  And while that’s great for me, what’s great for you is that it means I have the time and energy to write!

So expect articles!  Not on a regular schedule quite yet though!

Hey by the way, did you know that Inspirationalism blog is over a year old?

Transparency & Honesty

I find myself in a relationship right now that has a lot of miscommunication.  However it is strictly one-sided.  It’s all on my end.  I keep creating awkward situations that result in personal vexation my cohort is utterly oblivious of… at least, until I no longer handle it and snap, lashing out at my friend’s fabricated mistakes.

It is a situation I’ve honestly found myself in often when it comes to meeting new people, and it wasn’t really until now that I realized what was going on.  Essentially, I become so wrapped up in making the other person happy, that I don’t end up communicating my needs and wishes.  I become so concerned with his opinion of me, that I decide to put on gloves I don’t usually wear, and find them painful.  I end up putting extraneous restrictions on my behavior to protect a meaningless entity: baseless opinion.

I begin to let my false perceptions dictate my behavior, and then draw even more false perceptions.  The cycle is vicious and continues until my actions become so misaligned with reality that they are deemed crazy.  Usually this is the type of cycle I’d allow to repeat itself endlessly until I destroy the relationship: “crazy is as crazy does”.

Not a single part of this is a fault of, nor dependent upon, my friend.  My friend could be anyone, and I’d make the same stupid recursive decisions.  Luckily, I recently found a friend who was in touch with the situation that he showed me a path out of my personal valley of destruction.

I don’t know if he’ll end up reading this, and I don’t know what he’ll say if he does.  What I do know is that I feel better about the situation, that I feel like I’ve learned something important about myself.  And that I now know how to adjust my own behavior to prevent this sort of self mutilation in the future.

The key is through transparency and honesty.  Communicate your ideas, hopes, and wishes.  Don’t hold back—play your game while you play his.  If you get so excited over his game that you forget your own, well, you’ll end up not having any fun.

Educational Misconfiguration: Part 1

I feel lucky to have such an amazing educational background.  In my opinion, I came from what is possibly the best school in the nation— it certainly gave me the best education that I could have possibly obtained. Rensselaer was a place that let me express myself freely and openly.  School is a harbor before the storm of life (see: job), and my school was certainly well stocked with the supplies that I needed to weather my future.

I probably wouldn’t have said that my first two or three years though.  I spent a little more than half of my time at RPI hating it.  I was unwilling to recognize my college as anything more than an obstacle and challenge in the way of my potential future.  Each class, day, and season was just another hurdle that I needed to overcome on my way to the real world.  I held no fear, no anger, no animosity—I was just simply disinterested and impeded.

I’m not sure what broke me out of that.  It could have been a drastic change of my friends, the addition of “real” major specific classes, or just an overall lack of energy.  Eventually though, I broke.  I lost interest in the future and began to live in the moment.  No longer did I strictly view class an obstacle, it took shape and form, gained personality and presented itself as a fully articulate entity.  Rather than just doing what I was doing as a means to an end, I was excited and did relished in my work—sometimes reworking and repeating tasks simply for the joy of doing it again.

I was, for the first time in my life, fully and wholly interested in the everything I had at the moment.  I was content, I did not want another project, nor did I want to be done with my current one.  I was for the first time enjoying life rather than working my hardest so that I could enjoy it in the future.

Eventually I became complacent, and the spark that made this all possible died with the fire of my energy.  I had a dull period of almost a year.  It was probably the worst and most challenging period of my life.  However, my friends and school supported me to the best of their ability and I emerged from my challenges far ahead of the game.

But now I find myself constantly looking back…

Joined

 

Often I feel as if my life is trying to tell me something.  Events tend to link up, like in movies, and push me into a choice through a tide of manipulation.  I can move against it, fully braced to the power of the wave, or I can be pushed by the tide and let myself get carried in the flow of the current.  Sometimes the tide is as strong as a train barreling through the open country, blaring its horn proudly to cut the fog of the night.  While other times it’s a soft whisper in the wind, unheard and barely noticeable to the leaves in a tree.

The other day I watched an episode of one of my favorite TV shows.  A character came across a long lost lover- who she had to abandon due to the laws of society.  Where she comes from, it is taboo to reacquaint with someone whom you have been separated with for over five years (no matter how the separation took place).  However they were both placed in a position where their mutual company was unavoidable, and as other onlookers questioned their relationship and called it “unnatural” they continued to interact, carefully, but with pride.

Eventually she reached “the point of no return”, and was unsure of how to proceed.  She went for advice and was told that her choice was simple: to be without love, or to be in exile.  She was unsure which meant the most to her and proceeded impulsively.  She made a mistake, and though an action completely unrelated to her relationship she almost destroyed it.  In the process, she learned the true value of her mate, and how much she cared for him.

Unfortunately that epiphany was one sided, and her mate, only seeing her mistake, decided to move on with life and leave despite the pain and anguish it brought him.  My protagonist now has to live on with that mistake, in a life she didn’t choose, knowing fully what she did wrong.

I was recently in a very similar situation.  I acted impulsively, and I did something that severely damaged a relationship that I valued.  Yet, the irony of the situation is that I had no idea how much I cared for it until I had been without it.  And now, I probably will have to carry on with a mistake, down a path I didn’t choose, knowing fully what I have done wrong.

I often take pride in my impulsiveness but…

 damn me!

Essential Growth

 

I’ve recently realized how big of a problem I have with the idea of “security”.  Obviously I want to be protected from criminals, looters, and the likes with whatever blanket is necessary to achieve the goal.  However, I don’t want my security blanket to be so robust that I feel comfortable with it: if I lose my overall sense of fear I’ll become lethargic.  Fear is one of my key motivators in life. 

But on the other end of the spectrum there is no reason why I should fear death, illness, unfair scrutiny, or being incapable of providing for myself.  I need a certain level of security, otherwise I will be unable to focus on some of the “bigger picture” items that I need to focus on.

There is a balance that needs to be achieved—a loose balance that is intrinsically kinetic and can adjust to items that attempt to tip the scale.  Fear is only a good thing when it causes growth, and safety is only a bad thing when it hinders growth.  Therefore my scale needs to have one goal, one conceptual item it needs to preserve, growth.

I think this applies to all spectrums of my life. 

There is no reason for me to have six months worth of my expenditures in savings when my expenditures are based solely on my present income and I have virtually zero assets… but I should have a fear about increasing future income.

I shouldn’t have to lock the door of a safe in a locked home, in a gated condominium, in a low crime city… but I should worry about the quality of the lock to my home.

I shouldn’t have eight rotating passwords online when the information stored behind all eight is identical with identical encryption and security systems… but I should worry about the amount information that I am willing to share with online security systems.

Online security is such a good example of this dumb, empty fear.  People are willing to share practically anything to a company with a banner, promise, and logo.   How many online companies have you given your home address to when they didn’t need it?  How many physical retail stores have you shared the information with?

Fear something until you’ve grown past it enough to provide your own security don’t have someone else do it for you—you’ll only end up cheating yourself.