Joined

 

Often I feel as if my life is trying to tell me something.  Events tend to link up, like in movies, and push me into a choice through a tide of manipulation.  I can move against it, fully braced to the power of the wave, or I can be pushed by the tide and let myself get carried in the flow of the current.  Sometimes the tide is as strong as a train barreling through the open country, blaring its horn proudly to cut the fog of the night.  While other times it’s a soft whisper in the wind, unheard and barely noticeable to the leaves in a tree.

The other day I watched an episode of one of my favorite TV shows.  A character came across a long lost lover- who she had to abandon due to the laws of society.  Where she comes from, it is taboo to reacquaint with someone whom you have been separated with for over five years (no matter how the separation took place).  However they were both placed in a position where their mutual company was unavoidable, and as other onlookers questioned their relationship and called it “unnatural” they continued to interact, carefully, but with pride.

Eventually she reached “the point of no return”, and was unsure of how to proceed.  She went for advice and was told that her choice was simple: to be without love, or to be in exile.  She was unsure which meant the most to her and proceeded impulsively.  She made a mistake, and though an action completely unrelated to her relationship she almost destroyed it.  In the process, she learned the true value of her mate, and how much she cared for him.

Unfortunately that epiphany was one sided, and her mate, only seeing her mistake, decided to move on with life and leave despite the pain and anguish it brought him.  My protagonist now has to live on with that mistake, in a life she didn’t choose, knowing fully what she did wrong.

I was recently in a very similar situation.  I acted impulsively, and I did something that severely damaged a relationship that I valued.  Yet, the irony of the situation is that I had no idea how much I cared for it until I had been without it.  And now, I probably will have to carry on with a mistake, down a path I didn’t choose, knowing fully what I have done wrong.

I often take pride in my impulsiveness but…

 damn me!