Pressure (P = F / A)

 

Physics describes pressure as a force applied over an area, while social interaction describes pressure as forcing someone to some particular end.  Both relate to the idea of force.

I recently realized how I had a very strong and healthy friendship that was exposed to a large amount of social pressure.  However, now that I am across the country from this friend, our relationship has become unbalanced and that pressure needs to be reduced.  However, what my companion and I enjoy the most about our relationship is completely at odds with one another.  He likes black, I like white, and it’s impossible to have both at the same time.

For the last few months I have been attempting to come up with a functional compromise.  Yet as month after month progressed, I became much more upset than I would have normally allowed.  I even began to need a release for my emotional composure.   I was at odds with myself, and had no means to solve the contradiction.

It took the immediate threat of a visit to allow me to rise above the nonsense.  See, when I realized that our four month planned rendezvous was imminent, I had to set aside all my anger and contempt so that we could actually enjoy our company.  And suddenly we were able to talk!  We were able to discuss the problem like rational adults and come up with a holistic solution.

I think what we often forget in relationships is that the individual we are with is a person as well.  A person that was bounded to you by the same emotional context and environmental constraints as you to him.    We as individuals become so wrapped up in our needs that we forget about our partner’s needs and wishes.  We end up losing  our vantage, and let our fear and needs dictate our actions.

When you want to talk to someone, forget about all of “the wrong” at first.  As angry as you are at this person, that individual is still (hopefully) your friend.  So have a conversation with them— jumping into an argument will just put both of you on edge.  Always remember what is important in the friendship and not that petty thing that you’ve been arguing about.

Life will go a lot more smoothly that way.

Editorial VII: Disambiguation

 

Recently I had a couple of discussions about the verbiage I use in my postings.  The word relationship is ambiguous, as it should be.  When I speak of a person that I am “in a relationship with” or “have a relationship with”, I mean it in the broadest sense of the term.  I don’t mean it as an intimate relationship, if so, I would use that adjective to specify that case: intimate.

I wanted to make sure that I took the opportunity to communicate this before any future articles.  And honestly, it’s something I probably should have initially made explicit.

For those of you who already knew this, I’m sorry for the delay before my next article.  For everyone else, I hope this clarifies any ambiguous statements!

I have three great articles in the pipeline, I hope to have them posted soon!

Transparency Part 2: Reverse it

 

Do you ever know when you’re being cheated, lied to, or ignored but you end up choosing to ignore the transgression in hopes that it's a small bump down a long steady path?  Ever feel like someone’s taunting you, straight to your face, but you can’t confirm it, so you simply ignore the comment and just keep the conversation rolling?  Don't, you'd be surprised how accurate your instincts are.

Your mind, heart, and animalistic self are three separate entities within.  Froyd had it right with the id, ego, and super ego.  Your ego, or your heart, most likely drives you.  But, when necessary the other two will take control.  You should always embrace them, and never ignore logic and instinct especially when they're working together

My last article, Transparency & Honesty, was written by my ego.  And while it accurately portrayed a truthful message, the reaction that inspired me was all wrong.

In retrospect, I was not in fault.

I was being transparent, open and honest.  However my friend was lying and belittling me in hopes that I’d eventually take the hint and walk away.  He most likely thought it was the smartest and easiest way to get rid of me while avoiding a confrontation.  Little did he know was that all he had to do was ask.  His subjective experience to our conversations wasn’t overtly visible.  And he was overestimating how well he was telegraphing his thoughts and emotions.  He was attempting to play a game with me—and was doing a poor job at it.  I was getting confused from the mix signals and he was getting more and more frustrated.

In the end, he snapped.  He decided to make the confrontation in an extremely emotional way.  Little did he know that at this point my confusion had put an extreme dampener on my crush.  I was thinking of him as more of a loose friend—of someone I was interested in getting to know but had no investment in.

He made a fool of himself publicly.  And decided to throw our excuse of a relationship into the eye of the masses around us.  For some reason, he didn’t expect me to laugh and walk away.