Nexus

It is always difficult to understand the depth that comes with connections.  Relationships are always surprising—depth can come even from the most two-dimensional of friendships.  I often find myself surprised by how quickly some people are willing to open up to me.  More often than not we both don’t realize how lucky we are.

They, like I, express pain.  They speak of how someone has hurt them, or how someone’s pain has made them hurt even more—and then I feel the pain as my friend’s problem becomes my own.  More often than not I view that pain as a downside, as something horrible—something that I want to get rid of and free myself from—and I associate the pain with that individual.  As a result, I often attempt to distant myself from that person.

But really, the pain is good.  It’s the pain that comes from a bond—a bond with often mistaken meaning.  It doesn’t mean the sharing of emotions, it is more than that, it is the ownership of another’s problems.  That individual is so important to me that I feel I must own his emotions.  That’s what I’m saying when I feel the pain, that I care enough about you, that I want to protect you because I am invested in you—I own a piece of you.  The act is selfish, and in its selfishness it is pure.

I am certainly not an altruistic individual, and I will not pretend to be.  I don’t believe that someone should take on another person’s problems.  I don’t believe that charity is necessarily beneficial to those you help—it creates dependence.  And when people are dependent, they simply don’t think.

I’ve spoken before how I believe in interdependence—I like this concept because it allows the freedom of information between two individuals—and thus, communication.  Dependence, and independence are a one way street—that’s why I ask for communication in my blog—that’s why I want comments.

I want people to own the site.  I want people to feel with me—to be interdependent.  It’s what we all seek in relationships, yet more often than not we shun away when presented it.  Unfortunately pain is a lot easier to have and convey than joy—if life was easy, we wouldn’t learn.