Friendly Dependency

Only those who are close to you can truly hurt you; if you are emotionally walled off from someone there’s no way for them to get in and cause damage.  As you move close to someone emotionally you not only let down your personal barriers but you also increase the amount of time and energy you are willing to invest into the relationship. There are many ways to define and measure relationships.  I personally like to look at levels of dependency because it’s what I think is important in a friend.  There are three levels of dependency: independent, dependent, and interdependent.  

Being an independent in a relationship is easy: you can let your super-ego kick in and run the show.  An independent is a person who feels like they don’t need their partner in any way, and while they may care about their partner’s emotional or physical wellbeing they aren’t necessarily willing to go out of their way to do something about it.  Independents are common in deep acquaintances, early friendships, and distant family.  However, it’s not necessarily bound to these three types of relationships.  For instance, you can also find an independent on a bad side of a romance.

Dependents are confused.  If they knew they were being dependent they wouldn’t keep it up, nobody wants to be dependent.  Dependents usually care deeply about their partners but become so overwhelmed by their emotions that they need constant care and attention.  They require pampering, time, and a continuous line of communication.  A lot of people are dependents but don’t realize it.  They think that the quality time that they spend with their partner is mutual and don’t understand the amount of damage they do to their bond.  They are forcing their partner to move away from them, become independent, and replace barriers.  Dependents are frequently found in abusive relationships, at the beginning of a romance, and at times of great mental instability.

Friends from home

Interdependents are good friends; it’s the level I try to get to with all my friends.  Interdependence can exist only when the partner of a relationship is resonating it.   It requires a removal of all barriers of importance, and a mutual understanding on a very deep emotional level.  Interdependent partners are ready and willing to give, because they know that they will receive equal or better from their partner.  They’re willing to do things that they don't enjoy, make personal sacrifices, as well as smile in the face of adversity.  They are not glued to you, they’re not overwhelming, but they don’t disappear.  They have discovered the proper balance between independence and dependence.  They are friends for life.  Interdependents are close friends free from physical distance or a couple of a long and deep romance.

A lot of people think you need romantic involvement to become interdependent but that's not true.  In fact romantic involvement leads to dependence easily as people tend to obsess over their relationship.  Friends can move between the boundaries of dependency as they are not set in stone.  Transitions can come as easily as with mood.  Recently, I have had a more dependent need with a lot of my close friends.  Yet, as times have changed, some of my old relationships have recovered, and I think we would both agree that we’re moving towards interdependence.

To those friends who feel like I have become too dependent or too independent over the past few years I dedicate this article to you.  To my friends at home, I value our friendship dearly, and I look forward to having an opportunity to move closer once again.  And to those at school, I thank you for supporting me through my troubled times and hope that things are getting better.

Friends from school

Have a Merry Christmas everyone, cherish the family and friends around you- let them know how much you care.